Today, again I was hit by another sarcasim remark at work which could easily trigger my anger point. But I stayed neutral. I got my increment letter yesterday and the rate given was one of the lowest I ever received despite the efforts I put through the last half year (cos it seems the HR policy prorates all new joiners), instead of feeling discouraged, demoralized, I was neutral.
Possibly a chain of events happened this week:
1) I saw a little gal aged 7-8 years dragging a pail of dirty dishes while I was queuing up for my fav chicken rice at a food centre on Sunday. Children of her age are typically either out playing or busy with classes during weekends but she had to help out by working at such a tender age. I was quite affected by the scene and think my boys are really fortunate
2) My long time friend had gone through a terrible period last year and I wasn't there for her as I had not made constant efforts to keep in touch with this group of good old friends. I could have lost her then but thankfully she survived that ordeal and sat healthily sharing with me how quick her recovery had happened. I was really affected for the pain that she has gone through and for the fact that my support wasn't given at that period.
I fear witnessing losing the people around me or seeing them suffer. Most of us are really the fortunate bunch and things are usually taken for granted. I have to count my blessings for each day that is passed..
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, January 09, 2012
Many many thoughts..
I'm back feeling the same old guilt again. I remember the last time I felt this was the year I decided to move out of grp CB finance dept in SCB and seems like each time I had this guilt, I will make a career move. I experienced this level of guilt each time I work late ( over a period of time) and when I realized how much I have missed the kids growing up years.
Actually, I'm been placed in a more challenging role this time, with higher visibility to the management and greater responsibility. I believe it's in the culture of that organization that employees are relatively less committed. Actually I think it may be a bit unfair to use the word committed but given the state of my mind I am in now, no other suitable words surfaced out. So the imbalance comes on again when u realised that u are tasked with many key issues when there are a whole army in the background relatively available to fight the corporate battles. Anyways, I have been hovering with the idea of being a stay at home mum since years back but had not executed to date. These are usually the road blocks:
1) can I be a good teacher for my children's school work ? (not certain)
2) would my boys benefit with my 24/7 presence at home ( possibly )
3) can we give up the luxuries of buying books and toys ( the boys will feel shortchanged)
4) can we still eye on non essential stuff like ergonomic desks and chairs for the kids which costs $1.8k per set? (definitely no)
5) can we support a second property as investment (no)
6) will the relationship bet my boys and me be strained with my expectations on them since I will devote all my attention ( depends on my tolerance threshold and their cooperatibility)
7) can I still shop as much? ( definitely no!)
8) will I be envious on friends with better achievements ( no, because it depends on how one defines on the intangibles)
9) can we still keep the car?
10) can we still put the kids in enrichment centers for most subjects ( may not)...
Sigh.. I need a trigger point to give it all up. Somehow, I still cannot get away from the curse of extended working hours compared to the rest of the dept.. I ended up in a role which is currently the boss's focus point for every day!!
Actually, I'm been placed in a more challenging role this time, with higher visibility to the management and greater responsibility. I believe it's in the culture of that organization that employees are relatively less committed. Actually I think it may be a bit unfair to use the word committed but given the state of my mind I am in now, no other suitable words surfaced out. So the imbalance comes on again when u realised that u are tasked with many key issues when there are a whole army in the background relatively available to fight the corporate battles. Anyways, I have been hovering with the idea of being a stay at home mum since years back but had not executed to date. These are usually the road blocks:
1) can I be a good teacher for my children's school work ? (not certain)
2) would my boys benefit with my 24/7 presence at home ( possibly )
3) can we give up the luxuries of buying books and toys ( the boys will feel shortchanged)
4) can we still eye on non essential stuff like ergonomic desks and chairs for the kids which costs $1.8k per set? (definitely no)
5) can we support a second property as investment (no)
6) will the relationship bet my boys and me be strained with my expectations on them since I will devote all my attention ( depends on my tolerance threshold and their cooperatibility)
7) can I still shop as much? ( definitely no!)
8) will I be envious on friends with better achievements ( no, because it depends on how one defines on the intangibles)
9) can we still keep the car?
10) can we still put the kids in enrichment centers for most subjects ( may not)...
Sigh.. I need a trigger point to give it all up. Somehow, I still cannot get away from the curse of extended working hours compared to the rest of the dept.. I ended up in a role which is currently the boss's focus point for every day!!
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
开学了
Gladly, today went well with Ethan feeling excited about getting back to school and taking the school bus all by himself, without the company of his brother.
Caden didn't show any excitement as he depart the house, probably he knows that he has to get to know new friends from today onwards and getting a new teacher. We were invited to hang around in the school during his first day and were awed by the excitement which were displayed by other parents.
Before we depart from home, Caden will have Kimi to accompany him to school everyday from now on.
I saw one father holding on his ipad and was literally standing up on the stage to take the video of his child despite the vice-principal sending numerous announcements to inform parents not to crowd around the assembly area in the school hall.
The children were surrounded by parents during the assembly period
When the children were released from the classroom during recess time, parents were participating by joining in the class queue and walking with their kids hand-in-hand (we didn't and stayed out of his sight).
(I got a shot of his seat in class)
The kids were surrounded by paparazzi during their recess time as there were numerous iphones and video cams or cameras filming their every move.. hahaaa..
I only managed to squeeze through the crowd and got myself a shot as a memorial and evidence that I was there in school for him on his first day!
The briefing conducted for parents ended at 5pm, we were so drained by that time, being drowned by all the academic scoring for every subject that Caden has to go through. We were told that there will be questions to test how the children can apply the mathematical concept, for example," what is the meaning of 1 plus 1" and they actually failed a child for answering " chicken plus rice equals to chicken rice".. they will also grade how a child performs during the show-and-tell and I was also told that more points will be rewarded if the child brings along a costume to compliment the presentation! Truly this is the beginning of experiencing the stress of Singapore education system..
Caden didn't show any excitement as he depart the house, probably he knows that he has to get to know new friends from today onwards and getting a new teacher. We were invited to hang around in the school during his first day and were awed by the excitement which were displayed by other parents.
Before we depart from home, Caden will have Kimi to accompany him to school everyday from now on.
I saw one father holding on his ipad and was literally standing up on the stage to take the video of his child despite the vice-principal sending numerous announcements to inform parents not to crowd around the assembly area in the school hall.
The children were surrounded by parents during the assembly period
When the children were released from the classroom during recess time, parents were participating by joining in the class queue and walking with their kids hand-in-hand (we didn't and stayed out of his sight).
(I got a shot of his seat in class)
The kids were surrounded by paparazzi during their recess time as there were numerous iphones and video cams or cameras filming their every move.. hahaaa..
I only managed to squeeze through the crowd and got myself a shot as a memorial and evidence that I was there in school for him on his first day!
The briefing conducted for parents ended at 5pm, we were so drained by that time, being drowned by all the academic scoring for every subject that Caden has to go through. We were told that there will be questions to test how the children can apply the mathematical concept, for example," what is the meaning of 1 plus 1" and they actually failed a child for answering " chicken plus rice equals to chicken rice".. they will also grade how a child performs during the show-and-tell and I was also told that more points will be rewarded if the child brings along a costume to compliment the presentation! Truly this is the beginning of experiencing the stress of Singapore education system..
Monday, January 02, 2012
Eve of the first school day
There was a special coverage which run on Sunday times for parents to prepare our kids for their first day at school. We used to have a lot of problems getting Ethan prepared in the morning drinking his milk and getting changed into his school uniform and had to even enlist my Sis-in-law's help to pep talk him after he had this resistance for 3 weeks. Last year, Ethan displayed this behavior on an occasional basis and we had to force him to go school even without getting dressed in his uniform and 'dumped' him into the school bus. It was only towards the last semester we noticed that he finally enjoyed his school term because he got his rewards for getting his dance steps right for the year end school concert.
Now, after a month and a half break, tomorrow will be a test again for us to get him out of his bed, drink milk and get changed. It seems that he was pretty receptive of going back to school again, but somehow I was worried that he may be resistant again since Caden will not join him for the bus ride from this year onwards. I told Ethan, that he's K1 boy tomorrow and he needs to act like a big brother to those children from nursery classes and take care of them in the school bus. It was only before we lights off in bedroom and he said, " I don't want to go to school.."
Now I became the one to feel jittery.. As for Caden, although he's on the shy side but I believe he's highly courageous to face the new beginnings in his new school tomorrow :)
Now, after a month and a half break, tomorrow will be a test again for us to get him out of his bed, drink milk and get changed. It seems that he was pretty receptive of going back to school again, but somehow I was worried that he may be resistant again since Caden will not join him for the bus ride from this year onwards. I told Ethan, that he's K1 boy tomorrow and he needs to act like a big brother to those children from nursery classes and take care of them in the school bus. It was only before we lights off in bedroom and he said, " I don't want to go to school.."
Now I became the one to feel jittery.. As for Caden, although he's on the shy side but I believe he's highly courageous to face the new beginnings in his new school tomorrow :)
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