Many many thoughts..

I'm back feeling the same old guilt again. I remember the last time I felt this was the year I decided to move out of grp CB finance dept in SCB and seems like each time I had this guilt, I will make a career move. I experienced this level of guilt each time I work late ( over a period of time) and when I realized how much I have missed the kids growing up years.

Actually, I'm been placed in a more challenging role this time, with higher visibility to the management and greater responsibility. I believe it's in the culture of that organization that employees are relatively less committed. Actually I think it may be a bit unfair to use the word committed but given the state of my mind I am in now, no other suitable words surfaced out. So the imbalance comes on again when u realised that u are tasked with many key issues when there are a whole army in the background relatively available to fight the corporate battles. Anyways, I have been hovering with the idea of being a stay at home mum since years back but had not executed to date. These are usually the road blocks:

1) can I be a good teacher for my children's school work ? (not certain)
2) would my boys benefit with my 24/7 presence at home ( possibly )
3) can we give up the luxuries of buying books and toys ( the boys will feel shortchanged)
4) can we still eye on non essential stuff like ergonomic desks and chairs for the kids which costs $1.8k per set? (definitely no)
5) can we support a second property as investment (no)
6) will the relationship bet my boys and me be strained with my expectations on them since I will devote all my attention ( depends on my tolerance threshold and their cooperatibility)
7) can I still shop as much? ( definitely no!)
8) will I be envious on friends with better achievements ( no, because it depends on how one defines on the intangibles)
9) can we still keep the car?
10) can we still put the kids in enrichment centers for most subjects ( may not)...

Sigh.. I need a trigger point to give it all up. Somehow, I still cannot get away from the curse of extended working hours compared to the rest of the dept.. I ended up in a role which is currently the boss's focus point for every day!!